The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
