dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
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I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.