Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
