ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?