Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.