I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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