u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
