she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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