so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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