please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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