phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So apparently I’m into choking now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
