someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
