A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
