Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
