hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
