Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need moral support for this bender
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
