eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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