My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I could make wine with my vomit
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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