I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
