we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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