i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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