Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
