I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
