Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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