yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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