I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
