How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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