i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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