Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
