haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
