WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
