you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
