guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
