well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
