One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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