too bad you live with your parents still
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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