Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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