..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
