I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
