get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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