I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
