HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
