Say something about gay babies.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
