Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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