have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
