I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
