I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
