i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
