is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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