I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
