he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
