Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
