Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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