woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
