yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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