I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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