My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
