Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
