the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
