If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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