if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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