i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We have started to decorate penises.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
