Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish my penis had a tongue
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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