I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
